How to Set Up a Threesome?

A threesome very well may be the most common sexual fantasy—but as common as it is, it’s tricky to make happen in real life. Here’s your guide to turning this fantasy into a reality.

Tell Your Partner You’re Interested

If you haven’t already, the obvious first step is to let your partner know you’re interested in having a threesome. If you’re worried about how your partner might react to this news, explain your reasoning. It’s easy to think the worst when someone shares that they’re interested in having a threesome. Your partner might worry that you want to have a threesome because you’re not attracted to them anymore, or you’re bored with your sex life, or you’re interested in someone else. You can assuage these fears by letting your partner know what sounds sexy about having a threesome with them in particular. Make it clear that your partner is the most important person in the triad—not the third person.

Make Sure You Both Want It

If your partner says “yes” to a threesome, it’s important to make sure that they’re being honest. This is especially crucial if your relationship is monogamous. I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve worked with where one partner agreed to a threesome, but didn’t actually want it. Your partner may worry that you’ll end the relationship if you don’t get to have a threesome. Or they may be going into self-sacrificing mode, and putting your needs before their own. Threesomes can be disastrous if one partner is just doing it for the other. Give yourselves at least a few weeks to make a decision, and check in with your partner a few times to make sure it’s what they want. Let them know it’s not a deal-breaker for you. (Unless it is—but that’s another article.)

Get Clear on Your Boundaries

If you’re both on board with the idea of trying a threesome, the next step is to talk about the specifics of what you want to do. In particular, what guidelines or boundaries do you want to have in place? Do you want any specific boundaries for your very first threesome? Which platform you will use, threesome app, websites, forums or social media? For example, maybe you want to ease into things by just kissing and fondling. Here are some possibilities to think about:

  • What specific sexual activities do you feel comfortable doing with a third person?
  • What specific sexual activities are off the table? Maybe you’re comfortable with intercourse, but you don’t want kissing.
  • Are the rules different for each partner?
  • What happens if one of you gets jealous or uncomfortable in the middle of the threesome?
  • What do you want the third person to do after the threesome?
  • Are you open to repeat performances with the same person?

A lot of my clients complain that this step is boring and takes the fun out of the fantasy. But if you care about your relationship, it’s so important to be clear on your comfort levels. This is where a lot of threesome fantasies fall apart. If you can’t agree on the boundaries that will make you both feel comfortable, you probably shouldn’t move forward with trying to have a threesome.

Fantasize Together About It First

Once you know exactly what’s on and off the table, I highly recommend spending some time dirty talking about a potential threesome first. When you guys are getting down, talk about what it would be like to have a third person there. Go through potential scenarios with each other. Not only is this really hot, but it also serves as a final gut check to make sure you feel comfortable moving forward.

Put Out Feelers

Next up is one of the most frustrating steps of setting up a threesome—finding your third person. They’re not called “unicorns” for nothing. Not only do you have to find someone who’s attractive to both of you, they also have to be attracted to you in return and excited about the specific boundaries that you have. It’s a tall order.

Dating apps are your friend here. Put up a picture of the two of you, and be upfront about the fact that you’re looking for someone to hook up with together. Don’t try to lure someone in with a solo profile, then spring the threesome idea on them later.

Communicate Your Boundaries

I also highly recommend meeting potential thirds beforehand, so you can all scope each other out and make sure you feel good proceeding. Meet somewhere for a drink and a discussion of what you’re looking for.

I think it’s best to convey your boundaries to the third person before the three of you are naked. It might feel more intimidating initially, but it will ensure a better experience for all of you. Make sure to ask the third person about their comfort levels and guidelines too. Remember that they’re a human being with their own need and boundaries. They’re not just a plaything for you and your partner.

Take Your Time

When you’re excited about the prospect of a threesome, it’s easy to want to make it happen as quickly as possible. But there are so many ways a threesome can go wrong. It’s best to take your time, and proceed with care. Your thoughtfulness will pay off in the end.

Originally publish here: https://lifehacker.com/how-to-set-up-a-threesome-1824147809

Hookups, sexting and unwanted threesomes: first-time dating in the age of Tinder

Dianne hadn’t been on a date since 1978. Satinder met his last partner in the mid-90s. What’s it like looking for love when so much has changed since you were last single?

One cold mid-March night, I walked up a stranger’s cobbled path and knocked on his door. I was wearing my gym kit; I hadn’t showered; in a spur-of-the-moment decision, I’d taken two tubes and a bus in the rain to get there. He looked apprehensive. We’d never met, but had chatted for a few weeks on Tinder. Neither of us was sufficiently interested to go on a proper first date, but one night after the gym, I had agreed to go over to his; I suppose you could call it a hookup.

In January, my 10-year relationship had ended. We had got together three months after my 18th birthday and love had felt like fresh-churned cement being poured inside my shell; it oozed into every nook and cranny, then set. For my whole adult life, that relationship fortified me from the inside out. Then we broke up. So that’s how I ended up knocking on a stranger’s door: “dating” for the first time in my adult life.

In the decade I’ve been off the scene, the advent of Tinder (which launched five years ago this September) has prompted, to quote anthropologist Anna Machin, “a wholesale evolution in the world of love”. Working within the department of experimental psychology at Oxford University, Machin has dedicated her career to studying our most intimate relationships, assessing everything from familial bonds to the sociosexual behaviour we engage in when looking for The One. “Tinder has simplified the mode in which a whole generation finds a partner,” she says. The app’s founder, Sean Rad, reduced the complex business of mating into a roll call of faces: swipe right on the ones you like the look of, left on the ones you don’t. A thumb-swipe has become an act of lust – and a lucrative one: this year, Tinder was valued at $3bn.

In 2015, in a Vanity Fair op-ed that spawned a thousand counter-argument pieces, Nancy Jo Sales called the advent of Tinder the “dawn of the dating apocalypse”. Two years on, though, the opposite seems to be true; far from a biblical, end-of-dating-days scenario, we are spending more money and time on wooing strangers than ever. “Most crucially,” Machin says, “Tinder has made the pool of potential lovers available to us innumerably bigger. The impact of that can be felt in everything, from our attitudes to commitment to the expectations we have of others.”

These new expectations have facilitated some fairly interesting encounters for me. There was the plaintive 33-year-old San Franciscan who waited until we’d winced through a vat of second-least-bad wine to tell me about his girlfriend. “You could, like, join us?” (This has now happened a few times: the male element of a “polyamorous” couple posts a profile as if he were single; it isn’t until we meet that he explains he has a girlfriend, that she has vetted me and they’d like a threesome.) We had a pleasant conversation about polyamory (“we talk a lot”) and snogged outside the tube, but that’s as far as it went.

There was the one who lied about his age (43, not 38): “I set it years ago, and now Facebook won’t let me change it.” I didn’t ask why he made himself five years younger in the first place. A lawyer with a flat in Chelsea, he turned up in a crisp suit, bought a bottle of merlot, then held the label up to the light and said it was “expensive”. He talked a lot, mainly about the “crazy bitches” he’d taken back to his place in the past. I sank my second large glass of expensive merlot and left.

One, I matched with on Bumble. Founded by ex-Tinder employee Whitney Wolfe, who sued the company for sexual harassment, Bumble is often hailed as the feminist antidote to Tinder’s free-for-all. Like Tinder, you swipe and match; unlike Tinder, the first message has to be sent by the woman. After I messaged, my Bumble match seemed very keen to meet. Unlike Tinder, Bumble has a feature that allows you to exchange pictures; when I next looked at my phone, I found a picture of his penis. It had been taken in a toilet cubicle, his suit trousers puddled around his ankles: “29, financial adviser” it said on his profile; he liked techno and swimming. There were no words to accompany the photo. The irony, I thought: a hard-won sexual harassment case led to the creation of another gateway through which dick pics can flood.

There was one guy who informed me during our first date that he was into BDSM. He’d gone to one of those boarding schools famed for producing prime ministers and perverts. He seemed to think of himself as the latter. “No judgment,” I said. And I meant it. So when, later, back at his, he slipped a leather belt around my neck and asked, “Is this OK?” I nodded and allowed myself to be pulled off the bed and into the living room. Naked. It was OK. But I felt more like a keen observer than a sexual plaything. The next day, I had a bruise that looked like teeth marks; it flowered a livid purple on my inner thigh. I didn’t remember being bitten.

Since the dawn of apps, there have been rumblings about tech gamifying our lives. As technology writer Roisin Kiberd recently pointed out, Tinder has a “subtly dehumanising effect… it turns relationships – already fraught with neurosis – into a transactional game played by the atomised and lonely”. Its latest iteration takes it up another notch: Tinder Gold, which launched in August, is a paid-for service that strips away anonymity, allowing you to see who’s swiped right on you. Within days, it became the highest-grossing app on Apple’s App Store. “Far from facilitating more relationships,” Machin says, “studies have shown that apps encourage us to keep searching. If there’s always the possibility of finding someone better, if they’re just a swipe away, why bother sticking with the one you’ve got?”

Obviously, we’re not all looking for long-term love. But how do we judge Tinder’s success if not on the number of relationships it generates? Matchmaking is an ancient industry, traditionally judged on how many setups end in marriage. Perhaps Tinder’s business model offers a clue. It doesn’t rely on how many of us have swiped right on The One, but on how many engaged and active users it has. “Part of its business model is to sell premium features,” says Mirco Musolesi, a reader in data science at University College London. “Another lucrative potential business model is the collection, mining and sharing of data. And, for this, the longer someone stays on the app, the better it is for the company.”

Of course, the longer we stay on the app, the less likely it is that we’re in a relationship. Is it possible, then, that we’ve fallen for a model of matchmaking that was never really about making matches?

Maybe it’s just me, because I’m hollowed out, but perhaps this is why – alongside funny, weird, macabre and ridiculous – this kind of dating feels empty. Dating fatigue might seem the ultimate first-world problem, but the more people you meet, the more your faith falters.

My housemate – Sophie, 29, single for a year – deleted all her dating apps in June: they’re oddly quiet over the summer anyway, but she is resigned to having to download them again. “There are no other ways to meet people, really. No one talks to you in bars – if anything, people think it’s weird if you approach them. Most people who approach me seem like scumbags or creeps, but maybe that’s because I wouldn’t expect anyone ‘normal’ – whatever that means – to come over.”

And my post-gym hookup? We drank G&Ts in his room, and he was disarmingly open. He told me all about his parents and his disappointments in love. He was handsome and sweet, but we didn’t have much in common. I slept with him, but never saw him again.

I’m seeing someone I met at a wedding now. He was one of three single men there, and I liked his face. I was just sober enough to slur, “I’ve seen a man with a face” to my friends. Our circles overlap: same age, same-ish upbringing, same groups of friends. I’m not sure either of us would reach for the L-word, but we get on. So I guess, for all those tech-upgrades, the old cliches remain.

‘It’s harder to read the signs

Satinder Kumar, 49, lives in Brighton. He has been single for six years and dating for four.

Like most people, I entered this new arena full of hope. I used to wonder about the line “no time-wasters please” – it seemed so sour. But, over the years, I’ve come round to that way of thinking.

I met my last partner in the mid-1990s, when we were both working as academics at Southampton University. We ended up together for 14 years.

When I was last dating, it was all based on activities. You’d slowly grow your relationship by making time for each other, going to concerts together, making sure your values aligned. But now we live in a more immediate culture, and the way we date reflects that. I think I benefit from it in a way: I’m a doctor, my job is incredibly demanding and I’m often working 12-hour days – so it’s good to be able to log on, look around, see who’s out there, all within the space of a train journey. I’ve used Guardian SoulmatesZoosk and Elite Singles. I just want to find someone with whom I could potentially build a life. I’ve recently retreated from online dating, however, and I’m not sure I’ll go back. Having been single for a few years, I started messaging someone last year and that lasted for five months. He’d just come out of a long-term relationship, so wanted to take things slowly, but ultimately he was very reluctant to meet. I think he needed a sympathetic ear, and I provided that, but came away from it feeling like my time had been wasted. I didn’t need a pen pal. Looking back, I should have read the signs, but it’s harder when it’s digital: the human mind is a powerful thing, and there’s a romance to receiving daily messages from someone where they’re being open and unguarded. Your imagination ends up filling in the gaps.

Friends say I should be speaking to several people at one time. The most successful online dater I know is a friend who’s very techy. He’d treat it like a military operation and have several screens open on different sites, messaging any number of people. If he hadn’t met up with someone within three weeks, he’d block them. I was astounded when he told me, but he met someone and they’ve been together for two years. Talking about finding a partner in that way doesn’t sit well with me. Instead of growing closer to someone, it starts to feel more like you’re managing a project, or rather multiple projects across several platforms. I’d need an Excel spreadsheet to keep up.

Dating has come full circle for me. I’ve started to go to meetups that are a little like the LGBT society where I met my last long-term partner. It feels more organic, and at least I’m actually meeting people, rather than spending months having chats that ultimately lead to nothing.

‘Dating sites have been my lifeline’

K (she doesn’t want to give her full name), 72, has been single for three years since she divorced from her wife to live as a woman. She has been dating online for a year. She has four children.

Freedom, that’s what this modern way of dating means to me. You get to pick who you want to be with, for how long and how much of yourself you reveal to the other person. It’s not about what you look like, what clothes you’re wearing or even your gender: you can log on and find someone you’re compatible with.

The internet, and dating sites, have been my lifeline since I started living as K. I’ve lost touch with most of my family – they aren’t supportive of my decision to live as myself – and for a time I felt very isolated. I started to question whether I’d done the right thing; even if I had been living a false life, it suddenly seemed easier than going days without seeing a friendly face. I used to see those adverts on TV about how loneliness kills. I always felt so removed from them, because I’ve got a big family; then one day, about a year ago, I realised I was lonely. That’s what prompted me to consider dating again.

The last time I dated would have been the late 1960s. I don’t have to do the gentleman act any more. Everyone sees the 60s as a liberated time, but that depends on where you were. There were still fixed ideas about courting and what was expected and accepted behaviour. You could hold hands and maybe kiss someone. You could take them to the cinema. But there was less importance placed on getting to know them – if you liked them, and got on OK, then you’d get married pretty quickly.

Dating as a woman doesn’t feel too different. Maybe online dating looks different, but the feelings are real – when you find the right person, and you connect, it almost doesn’t matter that you’re doing it through a screen. I’ve been on eHarmony. I’d consider myself in a long-term partnership – there’s a woman I talk with every day. She’s also estranged from her children, and it’s nice to have someone who can share that unique pain. I don’t ask whether she has other people in her life, but wouldn’t feel bad if she did. Perhaps one day we’ll meet, but I’m not rushing it. People my age are quick to dismiss this way of finding someone; but I think we should be grateful that we live in a world where we can feel accepted at the touch of a button.

‘It’s good for my daughters to see me throwing myself into life’

Kirsty Jenkinson, 46, lives in London. Her husband of 13 years died suddenly in 2013. She started dating again in 2016 and has had one relationship, which has since ended. She has been dating again for three months. She has three children.

On the whole, I’ve found dating an incredibly positive, life-affirming experience. Before meeting my husband, I’d been in a series of long-term relationships and had generally met people through work. My husband, for instance, had been my boss. But now I work part-time and I’m often in an office on my own, so the chance of meeting new people is fairly small.

If bereavement has taught me anything, it’s that I should strive to have as many exciting, positive and new experiences as possible. I also think it’s good for my daughters to see me throwing myself into life and being brave. Grief fundamentally changed me as a person. I think it made me stronger. And, in a way, online dating gave me the opportunity to find and connect with people who would only ever know the new, stronger me.

There’s an element of escapism to modern dating. I turn the process of matching and messaging into a game. I use OkCupid, where my name isn’t listed, and often give people clues to see if they can guess what it is. I’ve always been attracted to wit, humour and intelligence, so, for me, getting to talk to someone in a no-pressure environment where you can verbally spar for a little while feels an ideal scenario. And I’ve certainly had some interesting experiences. I went for cocktails and then went geocaching at midnight all over London (it’s like a treasure hunt, where an app directs you to different locations in a city). I had my first kiss with one date in the middle of an immersive art installation. I don’t think I’ve had any really bad dates, but I once met someone I hadn’t messaged very much before: he said he preferred to just meet in person, rather than waste time on lots of chatting. He was very softly spoken and shy, which wouldn’t have been so bad, but we also had nothing in common. He would talk only if I asked him a question, so it felt a bit as if I was interviewing him for an hour. At least it was only a coffee.

I was on OkCupid from November 2015 to June 2016, when I met someone through the app. We were together until three months ago. Though our breakup was my decision, I was shocked by how much it plunged me back into my grief. I signed up to the charity Widowed & Young to find others who might have been through similar situations. Lots of people assured me that revisiting your grief is normal, and it’s nice to have others with whom to share my feelings.

I’m back on the app again now, and recently had my first date since the breakup. Truth be told, it wasn’t great. The final nail in the coffin was when he asked me to look through his night-vision goggles while waiting at the bus stop. I’d forgotten all the things I’d realised last time around, that you shouldn’t let your expectations get too high. We’d had such fun chats beforehand, that it made the disappointment even more intense. I feel like I need to build up that armour again.

‘Lots of guys swipe right on everyone and see what comes of it’

Technology has forced us to become more efficient daters. Tinder doesn’t really match people; the only criterion is locality. So it’s just a numbers game: swipe right and match with enough people, and you’ll find one you like: that’s why a lot of guys will swipe right on everyone and see what comes of it. If you’re in a situation where you have to introduce yourself several times a day, though, you do end up using the same stock lines, otherwise it just takes too long. But when it’s so rehearsed, it’s like you’re not meeting a real person; it’s completely artificial. And relationships are supposed to be the opposite of that – intimate.

Tinder has a reputation for being a hookup app, but I’ve rarely come across anyone who’s interested in just that. It can make people more bold, though – and even that can feel like an added level of artifice. I matched with one woman who started sending me nude photos before we’d even met. At one point she was out for dinner with friends and ducking into the toilets to send me pictures of herself topless. I found it intriguing, but when we met, she was incredibly shy and self-conscious. We didn’t really have a spark.

It’s not all bad. I met my last girlfriend on Hinge, which connects you with people with whom you have friends in common. She had posted lots of holiday photos. In one, she was on a beach and there were donkey rides. I opened with, “Nice ass.” Apparently, I was one of several who’d used that line. I have no idea quite why she looked at me a second time, but we ended up doing karaoke for our first date and being together for 18 months.

That relationship ended four months ago and this time I’ve chosen not to use dating apps. I’m not saying I never will, but at the moment I feel like the “good” people are perhaps the ones who aren’t on the apps. It’s not that the people I’ve met through them aren’t brilliant, intelligent, funny or attractive; it’s just that they are different from how you build them up in your mind.

For now, I’m trying not to think about relationships in terms of efficiency and numbers. I’ve been dating people I meet organically, through friends or work, because I want my heart to rule my head – and apps don’t really facilitate that.

‘I just wish people would be honest’

The first person to message me when I signed up to match.com three months ago was a 36-year-old. He said, “I just want to say you’re really pretty.” I replied, “I just want to say you’re really 36!” I’ve now fixed my age range to between 49 and 59. I haven’t gone older, because every guy on there who says they’re 58 looks about 70. I’ve also adjusted my own age – online, I’m 57, not 60.

The last time I dated was in 1978, when I was 22. In those days, you met people in pubs, and if you got some fizz going between you, generally the bloke would ask you out. If there was someone I liked, I’d worm my way under his nose, then, well, ponce about until he noticed me: peacocking. Now, it seems like you do everything on your phone.

People feel they can get away with a lot more because dating is so anonymous. I’ve had two experiences where I’ve chatted to people for a few weeks, then their profile has been mysteriously removed. It turned out they were scammers. I suspected something wasn’t quite right because their language was sometimes a little off – I remember, one of them called me “dear”. I thought, “No one really says that nowadays – how odd.” That knocked my confidence somewhat.

I was married for 34 years and don’t ever want to marry again, so it’s not as if I’m looking for all-encompassing commitment, but I’m often invited to functions – balls or charity dinners – and I always go on my own, while all my friends are there with their partners. It would be nice just to have somebody. Ideally, somebody fun and trendy, with good teeth.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/nov/04/hookups-sexting-unwanted-threesomes-first-time-dating-age-tinder

Confessions of a swinger: Bisexual woman reveals all about her kinky sex life

The bisexual woman confessed that she was inundated with kinky offers as soon as she began exploring her fantasies.

After romping with a number of couples, she realised that she was just as attracted to women as men.

But is there a downside to promiscuity?

Here are Marie’s most eye-opening observations about 

swingingGETTY

PILLOW TAK: A Cardiff-based woman (not pictured) has opened up about her kinky love life

The Cardiff-based woman revealed that she was immediately hooked on 

Just weeks after joining a dating app, she met up with an engaged couple.

While she was initially nervous about taking the plunge, Marie’s meeting went a lot better than expected.

The threesome helped her realise her attraction to women and encouraged her to be more open with her sex life.

Killing Kittens: Swingers parties for the world’s sexual elite

 Marie told WalesOnline: “I met them in a bar in Cardiff for drinks. They had booked a hotel room for the night and driven over, specifically for this.
“I don’t think people realise how much pressure that adds – they have booked a hotel on the expectation that they are going to get something out of you…

“We ended up having a couple of glasses of wine and they asked if I wanted to go back with them and I was like ‘Yeah, great’.

“I slept with both of them, one at a time and then together. I really enjoyed it, I fancied both of them.

Marie went on to meet another couple on holiday, who travelled to visit her from America.
After a boozy night on the town, the swinger went back to their hotel to enjoy a steamy night with them.

To this day, she is still in touch with her US friends, who she sends naked pictures to every Christmas.

While most of Marie’s encounters have been fun, casual sex doesn’t always go to plan.

The swinger revealed that some find it difficult to start swinging.

She recalled one couple who travelled 190 miles to visit her in Cardiff.

Marie said: “(It was a) dreadful experience.

“They were a bit hostile to each other and they were having little digs at each other.

“She kept making sly comments at him when he was having sex with me that made me feel really uncomfortable – so I left.

“They seemed quite disappointed. I couldn’t believe they were surprised.”

The more original content here: https://www.dailystar.co.uk/real-life/710355/confessions-of-a-swinger-swinging-apps-uk-threesome

Most Obvious Reasons Why Men Prefer Dating Bisexual Women!

Bisexual women are in abundance and dating them can indeed be a great experience. Today, we at Sarcasm are taking this time to go through some of the most obvious reasons why some men prefer dating bisexual women.

We will reflect on all the perks there are when you date bisexual women and a whole of the male population must realize why the ones that know about these little things lean towards dating bisexual women.

Most Obvious Reasons Why Men Prefer Dating Bisexual Woman

1. They have everything that you love about a straight woman and with that, they also bear lesbian-ish side that a man can be good friends with.

2. They’re great when it comes to s3x as they know how it is like on both sides. They definitely kick ass in bed. 

3. They can relate to your situations better as they know what it’s like being on either side of the fence.

Bisexual women

4. They’ll easily get along with your parents as their feminine side will be able to lure your mother and their gritty side will definitely get along with your father.

Bisexual women

5. Bisexual women are gorgeous. The fact that they also are interested in guys makes them work hard upon their feminine appearance as well.

Bisexual women

6. They might be up for a little experimentation in the bed. As they enjoy both the flavors, they might be happy to involve another girl in a three-way.

Bisexual women

Note: That might not always the case so don’t bear a stereotypical thinking about it.

7. They are more responsive on dating apps as compared to straight women. It is often hard to find the right woman who is into you on Tinder or any other dating app but bisexual women are more open.

Bisexual women

8. They aren’t judgmental about anyone’s sexuality and are more open about everything.

Bisexual women

9. They are more determined than you think they are. Just because they are both genders doesn’t mean that they are confused.

Bisexual women

10. They are in abundance. It is not as hard as you think it is to find them. 

Bisexual women

11. Bisexual women are diverse. You won’t find much similarity is one bisexual woman as compared to the other. S3xuality has nothing to do with one’s characteristics.

Bisexual women

12. They are more satisfied with their bodies as compared to straight women.

These reasons are quite enough for someone to start dating bisexual women. All you need to do is drop all your stereotypes and look at all the perks that come with it.

Read more at: http://sarcasm.online/most-obvious-reasons-why-men-prefer-dating-bisexual-women/

Have a High-Tech Halloween With Your Own Haunted Smart Home

The holiday season is in full swing, which means we’re all whipping out our decorations and decking our homes out for the festivities ahead. First up: Halloween. That means it’s time to get your spook on. Between monstrous masks that evoke the horror icons who haunt our nightmares (thanks, Chucky), and our favorite home decor (like dangling skeletons and that cobweb gunk you can never seem to fully scrape off), you’ve got plenty of ways to make your house the scariest on the block.

But it’s 2017, and you don’t need to pull out all your decorations just to get in the Halloween spirit. We’re living in the future, and all you need is a smart speaker like Google Home or Amazon Echo and a few connected devices to transform any pad into a creepy crypt fit for the damned.

Spookify

Take your haunted house to the next level with some eerie tunes. Google Home and Alexa work with Spotify, so you can tell it “play my Halloween playlist” and it’ll start blasting your favorite frightful tunes. If you don’t have time to make your own playlist, Spotify has plenty to choose from. You can even hook up your Echo Dot to a few Sonos speakers to fill the whole house with a nice ominous vibe.

Give Your Crib a Creepy Hue

Ditch your old school bulbs, and install a couple of Philips’ color-changing LED lights to give your house a creepy vibe for your poppin’ Halloween party. Using Phillips Hue bulbs, you can paint any room in whatever spooky color your choose and tell your voice assistant of choice to change the lighting whenever you feel like scaring the neighbors. Plus, using apps like Sync My Lights and Hue Disco, your lights can sync to whatever scary movie or tune you’re enjoying. If you use Hue bulbs outdoors, you can give your home an ominous lighting scheme at the touch of a button.

Listener Beware, You’re in For a Scare

Once you’ve got your decoration situation all sorted out, take a seat, kick back, and have Alexa play your favorite horror audiobook from Audible. Might we suggest a bone-chilling collection of Edgar Allan Poe stories read by none other than Vincent Price?

Fright Night

Tired of having to grab the remote just to pick your favorite horror movie? If you have a Plex server set up, you can tell Alexa to play whatever movie you want, as long as it’s in your collection. Fire TV users can also use Alexa to play any movies from Prime Video. For the real thrill-seekers, we suggest last year’s unsettling The Witch. Spoiler alert: Alexa won’t pause the movie automatically if you suddenly cry out in terror.

Fog Me Up

Wanna impress your guests? Set up an automated fog machine to give your house a more ghostly vibe. Just cop a Wemo Insight Switch or two, plug ‘em in, and set up a voice trigger so your smart speaker can let some fog loose when those trick-or-treaters show up.

I Want Candy

Don’t be another sucker waiting in a long line just to fill your candy bowl with goodies for all the costume-clad kids. While you’re catching up on all your favorite horror movies, just tell Alexa to order a nice candy bag and kick back. Just make sure it gets there on time, or you’ll be the sucker.

Article is from: https://www.wired.com/story/have-a-high-tech-halloween-with-your-own-haunted-smart-home/

Lesbian and bisexual women are being incorrectly told they don’t need smear tests, LGBT charities say


Half of all eligible lesbian and bisexual women have never had a smear test, an LGBT partnership revealed
CREDIT: ALAMY

Women who have sex with women are often wrongly told they do not need
to attend cervical screening test, LGBT charities have warned.

omosessualiResearch highlighted by the National LGB&T Partnership – an alliance of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender charities – reveals that 37 per cent of women who have sex with women have been told they do not require a cervical screening test due to their sexual orientation.

This results in half of all eligible lesbian and bisexual women never having had a smear test, they said.

The human papilloma virus (HPV), which causes most cervical cancers, is passed on through intimate skin-to-skin contact, which includes sex between two women.

The partnership surveyed women on their experiences with sexual healthcare as part of the inaugural National Lesbian and Bisexual Women’s Health Week, which aims to highlight that “lesbian, bisexual and other women who have sex with women are experiencing a range of health inequalities and both face barriers to accessing healthcare and are having poor experiences when they do”.

“Lesbian, bisexual and other women who have sex with women (LBWSW) lack acknowledgement both in mainstream society and LGBT communities, and to the NHS we are largely invisible,” says Liberal Democrat peer Baroness Elizabeth Barker in the foreword of the report published in November.

“It is unacceptable that LBWSW continue to experience discrimination and that thoughtlessness compromises our healthcare.”

Other issues highlighted by the partnership’s report are that 21 per cent of bisexual women and 12 per cent of lesbian women reported a long-term mental health problem, compared with 4 per cent of heterosexual women, and that 29 per cent of lesbian and bisexual women report more binge drinking compared with 12 per cent in the general population of women.

Around 3,200 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer in the UK each year. About two out of every 100 cancers diagnosed in women (2 per cent) are cervical cancers, according to Cancer Research UK.

Article from: Telegraph.co.uk

7 Very Real Struggles Of Online Dating As A Bi Woman

search a bi dating site

And two very real benefits…

1Threesome requests

At least 60% of your messages, if not more, are likely to consist of words to the effect of: “My girlfriend and I were very interested in your profile…” Even, that is, if you have said you are monogamous on your profile. Even, indeed, if you have expressed a specific interest in retreating to the top of the mountain with The One, a couple of pairs of Birkenstocks and 50 cats, and avoiding all other human company for the rest of eternity (not that I would ever write anything like that on a dating profile, ahem).

2. Other rude questions

“How can you like both?” “What do women do in bed?” Um, who the f**k are you? Do I know you? This isn’t how you politely introduce yourself to people. I am not won over. Sorry. I came here to find the love of my life, not engage in smutty chat about the way I like to play with boobs – unless, that is, the person I’m speaking to is wearing those boobs. Unsolicited comments from guys wanting to presumptuously perve over or pry into my desire for women are not welcome. The politeness rule goes for men messaging self-identified non-monogamous bi women, too. Especially for them, as they’re even more open to this kind of abuse than the rest of us.

3. The lesbian filter

Unfortunately a lot of lesbians seem to take advantage of any mechanism that will erase bi women from their search results. Even if they haven’t really thought it through. It’s easy to tick a box quickly when you’re running through a huge list of questions. So, how to find and meet bisexual women online? In some cases, it’s not even immediately clear that ticking said box has eliminated a huge swathe of women-loving women.

4. The male mailbox issue

As you might have guessed from the previous points, bi women get a lot of messages from men. And, as a general rule, we don’t tend to get many from women. It’s true that women don’t message first as much as men do on dating sites. I’ve heard from more than one straight male friend with an excellent profile that they almost never get any messages. However, I do think bi women have a particular problem: Filtered out by the lesbians, fetishized by the guys.

5. The lack of bi dating sites

There’s really not very much out there, alas. And what is out there is usually sparsely populated and not very well publicized. Plus subscribing to a specifically bisexual dating website then eliminates lesbians and straight men from your search and… argh! You’ve automatically shrunk the net yourself this time. Back to square one.

6. Dropping the ‘B-bomb’ straight away

Online dating means baring all on your profile right away. No agonizing about how the hot girl flirting with you in the bar might freak out if you tell her you like guys too. You can be yourself right from the start, from behind the relative safety of your computer screen. Much easier than a lot of “real life” coming out situations.

7. Meeting other bisexuals

There’s nothing quite as refreshing as getting a message from someone else bi who is going through the same aggro. Whilst online dating can be a real b***h for bis, it can also be a great way to find like-minded souls if you’re feeling like the only bi in the village. It’s a bonus, of course, if some of those souls are cute and smart. And they want to meet up.

The article is from: http://www.curvemag.com/Lifestyle/5-Very-Real-Struggles-Of-Online-Dating-As-A-Bi-Woman-1650/

Nigeria’s lesbians to challenge Act that prohibits same-sex marriage

same marriageBlackmail, excommunication, mob violence, torture and rape. These are the realities Nigeria’s lesbian and bisexual women face – and they have become progressively worse since the passing in 2014 of the Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act (SSMPA).

This is according to Akudo Oguaghamba, executive director of the Women’s Health and Equal Rights Initiative and co-chairperson of Pan-African International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association.

Oguaghamba cites examples. “Two women suspected of being in a relationship were forced by their supposed friends to have sex in public. Pictures were taken, some of which were posted online. We’ve had incidents where women were lured by hoodlums – who posed as women online – raped and pictures taken of their naked bodies. Others are robbed, raped and extorted. One family locked their young sister in the house for weeks, forcing her to proclaim that she is no longer attracted to women. During this time she was physically and verbally abused – even after she denounced her sexuality.”

In addition to the country’s women being “disproportionately affected by poverty, gender-based violence and sexual reproductive rights abuses”, Oguaghamba says “lesbian and bisexual women are often faced with the double stigma of being women and possessing a sexual orientation that is contrary to Nigerian societal norms, which are highly patriarchal, hyper-religious and conservative. So, apart from having to navigate patriarchy and sexism, we have to work and live around the Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act.”

Signed into law by then-president Goodluck Jonathan in January 2014, the Act ostensibly aims to prohibit same-sex marriage. In reality it goes much further: it not only prohibits same-sex cohabitation and any “public show” of a same-sex amorous relationship, but also imposes a 10-year prison sentence on anyone who “registers, operates or participates in gay clubs, societies and organisations” or “supports” the activities of such organisations.

A recently released report by Human Rights Watch, titled Tell Me Where I Can Be Safe, looked into the effects of the Act on the county’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. The study found that, “while the colonial-era criminal and penal codes outlawed sexual acts between members of the same sex, the [Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act ] effectively criminalises LGBT persons based on sexual orientation and gender identity”.

“Many LGBT individuals interviewed by Human Rights Watch said that, prior to the enactment of the [Act] in January 2014, the general public objected to homosexuality primarily on the basis of religious beliefs and perceptions of what constitutes African culture and tradition. The law has become a tool used by some police officers and members of the public to legitimise multiple human rights violations perpetrated against LGBT people.

“Human Rights Watch research indicates that, since January 2014, there have been rising incidents of mob violence, with groups of people gathering together and acting with a common intent of committing acts of violence against persons based on their real or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity.

“The [Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act]  contributes to a climate of impunity for crimes committed against LGBT people, including physical and sexual violence.”

Human Rights Watch’s Wendy Isaack is the author of the report. “The Nigerian Criminal Code Act of 1990 contains provisions dealing with Offences against Morality committed by men that carry terms of imprisonment of up to 14 years,” she wrote. “The Sharia Penal Code, adopted by several northern Nigerian states, prohibits and punishes sexual activities between persons of the same sex, with the maximum penalty for men being death by stoning, and for women, whipping and/or imprisonment. Our findings demonstrate that the [Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act], in many ways, officially authorises abuses against LGBT people, effectively making a bad situation worse.”

Oguaghamba concurs with Isaack. “This law has been interpreted and misinterpreted by the police, landlords, family members, in schools and by employees. This has worsened the situation of lesbian women and drew a lot negative attention to masculine-presenting women.”

Ngozi Nwosu-Juba is a board member of the Vision Springs Initiatives. Although the organisation initially focused its efforts on promoting and securing the rights of women and girls, Nwosu-Juba says: “Following our experiences, especially with the passing of the [Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act], it became mandatory to build capacities of LGBT people, who were facing all forms of violations, hence our programming in that direction.”

Nwosu-Juba says this shift was largely a result of “organisations working with men who have sex with men are receiving most of the attention due to HIV prevalence, as this group is at high risk. So far, however, no one has committed to studying or researching some of the issues lesbian and bisexual women face.”

Although there might be scant research, there are organisations that, despite legislation prohibiting their work, are working – often with very little in the way of resources – to improve the lives of lesbian and bisexual women.

Atilola Owen is a sexual and reproductive rights activist, who heads the organisation Faith Initiative, “a group of young African feminists whose vision is to contribute to the national and global promotion of the human rights of vulnerable persons, especially women in Nigeria”.

“The [Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act] is a very draconian law, which makes it difficult for us to render services property. Many community members don’t even know there are organisations such as ours that offer services that cater to them,” she says.

In addition to the organisation’s work to inform more LGBTI people about their rights, particularly in rural areas, it also initiated a two-week football competition, which brings together lesbian and bisexual women from the eastern parts of the country.

Says Owen: “We essentially use it as an opportunity to build their self-esteem and empower them, but also to bring them together and foster unity.”

The sports event also fosters unity between the women participating in it and the broader society. “The atmosphere is always cheerful. And the fact that the community attends and is supportive makes it a really great way to bridge divides.”

Julia Chukwu, who did not want to give her real name, is a Nigerian-based legal practitioner and executive committee member of the Coalition of African Lesbians.

“It is very difficult for organisations working with LGBT people in Nigeria to function, but there is a strong presence. They’re really trying, but what has been the impact on the community and larger society? It’s good to empower LGBTI people, but we need to change the mind-set of people.”

A study released in October 2015 shows that attitudes are shifting – slowly. Titled A Closer Look at Nigeria: Attitudes on Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual People, the study, put together by the Bisi Alimi Foundation, noted: “In 2015, 87% of Nigerians supported the [Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act]. However, polling about this issue has been occurring since the law was in planning stages, starting in 2010, and measures of support have been steadily declining ever since. In 2010, 96% of respondents supported the [Act], 92% in 2013 and 87% in 2015.”

Chukwu says active steps are soon to be taken to challenge the constitutionality of the Act.

“A core group of activists are in the process of challenging clauses within the [Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act] they feel are unconstitutional. For example, the Constitution allows for the right to freedom of association, but the [Act] has stated in its provisions that [people] cannot have LGBTI clubs, groups or gatherings. This is affecting the work of organisations working within the community on, for example, HIV prevention and treatment.”

Whether this challenge yields the desired results remains to be seen. Until then, activists like Owen will continue their fight.

“You know, since this Act was passed in 2014, so many women I know want to leave Nigeria to find shelter somewhere else. But not everyone can leave Nigeria.”

“Besides,” she says, after a slight pause, “I don’t believe in running. If we all leave here, who is going to be left to conquer this? Who?”

Carl Collison is the Other Foundation’s Rainbow Fellow at the Mail & Guardian

The article is from: http://mg.co.za/article/2016-11-23-00-nigerias-lesbians-to-challenge-act-that-prohibits-same-sex-marriage

Sean Hannity Gives Platform to Man Who Claims Hillary Is ‘Evil,’ Bisexual ‘Secret Sex Freak’

Before interviewing Mike Pence and Kellyanne Conway on Monday night, the Fox News personality had an ‘EXCLUSIVE’ interview with Jeff Rovin, a man with a shocking ‘secret.’

On Monday night, unpaid Donald Trump adviser and current Fox News host Sean Hannity broadcasted his “EXCLUSIVE” interview with Jeff Rovin, novelist and self-identified “fixer” for Hillary and Bill Clinton. Rovin first told his story to supermarket tabloid the National Enquirer last week, opening up about his alleged past as a Clinton ally who would help the powerful couple manipulate the press and (also!) set up secret, extramarital sexual liaisons.

Hannity emphasized that Fox News could not “independently verify” Rovin’s story. He also noted that the Clinton presidential campaign—“shockingly”—did not respond to his team’s multiple requests seeking comment.

“I was fixing [for the Clintons], I really don’t like that term, but there it is,” Rovin told Hannity. “I was fixing something for an actor who was in their inner circle.”

On Monday night, unpaid Donald Trump adviser and current Fox News host Sean Hannity broadcasted his “EXCLUSIVE” interview with Jeff Rovin, novelist and self-identified “fixer” for Hillary and Bill Clinton. Rovin first told his story to supermarket tabloid the National Enquirer last week, opening up about his alleged past as a Clinton ally who would help the powerful couple manipulate the press and (also!) set up secret, extramarital sexual liaisons.

Hannity emphasized that Fox News could not “independently verify” Rovin’s story. He also noted that the Clinton presidential campaign—“shockingly”—did not respond to his team’s multiple requests seeking comment.

“I was fixing [for the Clintons], I really don’t like that term, but there it is,” Rovin told Hannity. “I was fixing something for an actor who was in their inner circle.”

Jeff Rovin also edited the Weekly World News tabloid for a time. As The Atlantic has noted, the publication “highlighted tabloid journalism’s thin line between fiction and nonfiction,” until its print edition folded in 2007. The tabloid pushed self-consciously outlandish stories, like the classic “BAT CHILD ESCAPES!” It also had its fair share of Hillary Clinton-related tall tales.

“BILL CATCHES HILLARY WITH SPACE ALIEN!” blared one headline.

“HILLARY ADOPTS ALIEN BABY,” read a 1993 cover.

When Rovin started editing the publication, he stressed the importance of its coverage of space aliens.

“National, international, and even interplanetary events are being suppressed,” he wrote in an editor’s note on May 2, 2005. “Newspapers, television, and the internet are feeding us what dolphins call ‘meep… meepahh… marp’—Literally, lies as deep as the ocean.”

“When the government tries to cover up visits from space aliens and time travelers, we’ll be there,” Rovin continued. “(Weekly World News will even tell you what investments, if any, people from the future are making in the stock market. You won’t find that in Forbes!)”

The Trump campaign did not respond to The Daily Beast’s request for comment on whether Republican nominee sees any merit in this Enquirer story on his Democratic rival. However, the Enquirer (a Trump-endorsing tabloid long famous for printing unsubstantiated gossip and stories about space aliens and the Illuminati) and Hannity have become two of Trump’s most reliable allies in the media during this election—and sometimes in concert.

Hannity, for his part, has gone full-on conspiracy theorist during this presidential election, during which he has been doing everything in his power—including starring in an official Trump campaign ad—to get Trump elected president.

Earlier this year, when the Enquirer ran a baseless story suggesting that Ted Cruz’s dad, Rafael, was in New Orleans passing out pro-Castro pamphlets with Lee Harvey Oswald, President John F. Kennedy’s assassin, Trump widely promoted the “news,” and got his allies in the mainstream media, including Hannity, to help him in the effort.

When Trump went on Hannity’s radio show in May, the host allowed Trump to give more oxygen to the Enquirer’s supposed JFK-Cruz scoop.

At the time, when asked by The Daily Beast if Hannity would comment further—and if he felt not pushing back bolstered criticism that he is too deferential to the GOP nominee—the host emailed back: “I was saying that photo was not verified.”

Asked if he believed the Enquirer is a reliable source, Hannity said, “If [you] want to interview me, contact Fox PR.” Hannity later emailed The Daily Beast, “So is the picture authentic or not? You don’t have a clue either. Lol.”

(Well, we do have a clue: Rafael Cruz did not play a role in JFK’s death, but Hannity and the Enquirer did their thing, regardless.)

And now Hannity is back at it again, elevating National Enquirer content, all in the service of targeting the Clintons and talking up Trump on national TV.

Hannity would not comment on the record for this story. Fox News public relations did not respond to emails seeking comment. The Clinton campaign similarly did not respond to The Daily Beast’s requests for comment, soWHAT ARE THEY HIDING???

Following the Rovin interview on Monday’s episode of Hannity, the Fox News personality interviewed Trump running mate Mike Pence and Team Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, two highly respected figures within the Republican Party who spent their Monday-night airtime talking about how great Trump is. Neither uttered one word about Rovin, the Enquirer’s story, or Hillary Clinton’s alleged past as a villainous sex freak.

Why would they, when they have a supermarket tabloid and Fox News to do their work for them?

The original article is here: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/10/25/sean-hannity-gives-platform-to-man-who-claims-hillary-is-evil-bisexual-secret-sex-freak.html

Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s Hot New Bisexual Video

lady-gagaEveryone’s been talking about Lady Gaga’s new song and video Telephone, which features Beyonce and Heather Cassils. It’s been labeled risqué and “too hot to handle”, so much so, that there was even a rumor that MTV had banned it, which turned out not to be true. Of course the video is all over YouTube and other sites, and it’s full of bisexual, genderqueer, gay, and trans themes. Commenters all over are using the word bisexual to describe this video, and/or to describe Lady Gaga, who in interviews has talked about the themes in the video and what she wants them to mean. She herself says the words “queer”, “homosexual” and “transsexual” when talking about it. I wish she would say the word bisexual more, but if she isn’t, it’s good that so many others seem to be picking up on it. One of the main messages she was trying to get across in  the video was was that sexuality isn’t a choice , and that binaries of gender and sexuality need to be broken down more.  Encouraging people to think outside of the box can only be good for the bisexual community. There is also the added bonus of the visibility that an out bisexual performer brings. Lady Gaga has also did an interview where she said that both she and Beyonce “liked women”, so, naturally, now people are asking if Beyonce is bisexual (as nice as that would be, playing a character in one video doesn’t make you a different orientation!).

Telephone starts off where the video Paparazzi left off. In Paparazzi, Lady Gaga had poisoned her boyfriend, and Telephone starts with her being brought into jail for murder. The jail is full of women who very obviously straddle the gender line, including the guards who bring Lady Gaga in, both of whom seem to be trans. They undress her to find out if the rumors about her being intersex are true (they confirm they are not). Having previously had a boyfriend, Lady Gaga goes on to find herself a prison girlfriend, played by Heather Cassils, who in real life is a personal trainer who admits she straddles the gender line in both appearance and attitude. They share a kiss in the prison yard. The sequence is complete with several scantily clothed women, including Lady Gaga, and dancing.

Lady Gaga then gets a call from her girlfriend, Beyonce, who bails her out of jail. They go for a ride in a car called the Pussywagon (from the movie Kill Bill Volume 1 ). They drive to a diner where Lady Gaga is the cook and Beyonce meets up with what seems to be her boyfriend; she also appears to have both a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Lady Gaga and Beyonce proceed to poison everyone in the diner, including Beyonce’s boyfriend. There are a lot of genderqueer visibility and bisexual themes here as well, such as dating both men and women, and having a lot of people in the video straddle the gender line in appearance and attitude. The video ends with the police chasing Lady Gaga and Beyonce, who ride off together and promise each other they will never come back. At the very end there is a female power symbol.

One of the best qualities of the video, and probably what is making so many people both love it and hate it, is that it shows a wide range of human sexual behavior, orientation, identity, and expression, including bisexuality, and has them all come across as normal and accepted. Some artists do this just for shock value, but it seems that Lady Gaga really is trying to send a message and get people to think outside of the many preconceived notions that society has; the biggest being that sexuality and gender identity are somehow a choice.

Love it or hate it, Lady Gaga’s video Telephone has definitely pushed the envelope in entertainment and music, and opened some doors for sexual expression in popular culture. And of course-the song itself is pretty catchy!