Got Bisexual Bars?

So as I go out and look for ways to socialize, I realise that there is nothing made for me — yes, I can go to a straight bar and mingle, or head to my local gay bar, one  block from my house — but I find something missing, someone like me!

I’m not lesbian, I’m not gay – but there are no bisexual bars that we can feel at home. Gay men can go out and find someone like them, and feel some sense of calm. Lesbians can go to their local lipstick, sports bar or everything in between and get their groove on and find that special person.

Where can a bisexual go?

Bisexuality: It’s Your Thing

proud to be bisexualAs an English teacher and a writer, I am in favor of the precise use of language in order to ensure that our messages are clearly sent and received.  It’s true that we can’t always guarantee either the former or the latter, but it’s important to try.  In support of clarity, I’m normally behind the use of labels as a point of reference.  Yes, many times definitions-especially that of the wordbisexual-are open to debate, but we need to know what we’re debating.  I also feel it’s important to be clear about what we stand for and to own it, notwithstanding the capacity for changing our minds.

A few weeks ago I was encouraged by my colleagues here at Bi Social Network to take a test at kleingridonline.com.  The test uses the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, developed by Dr Fritz Klein in 1993.  Based on Kinsey’s scale, the Klein Grid is supposed to provide a spectrum on which to measure sexual orientation rather than on discreet points.   The Klein Grid asks you to rate yourself based on sexual attraction, sexual behavior, sexual fantasies, emotional preference, social preference, lifestyle preference and self identification.  At the end of the test you get to see “how straight” and “how gay” you are.  These are the exact terms the site uses.

Then while relaxing over the Thanksgiving weekend, I did a little channel surfing and found myself watching part of a repeat of Bi the Way, the documentary that came out a couple of years ago featuring two young women crossing the USA in search of bisexuals.  I had tuned in just at the moment where Mike Szymanski was commenting on the reluctance of twenty-somethings to identify themselves as bisexual, preferring instead to avoid labels.

Finally, I ran across my copy of researcher Lisa Diamond’s Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire a few days later.  I flipped through the first two chapters again to get a sense of how she attempted to come to a definition of straight, lesbian and bisexual.  Her own literature review seemed to find no consistent definitions of the terms and she herself came up with the phrase female same-sex sexuality to use throughout her work.  After all, as a researcher she needed an operational definition to use.

Usually, I have normally been very adamant about not just using but embracing the term bisexual.  I use it because I want to be very clear about my attractions to women and men, and I want to be clear about how I see and approach the world.  It will probably be no surprise to you that I was initially less than thrilled to encounter people who did not want to label or identify themselves.  I will admit that I saw a certain failure to own an important yet often trivialized part of their persons.

But things began to shift for me when I ran across Diamond’s book again.  On first reading, I was annoyed about what I thought was her inability to use a set definition of terms for sexual orientation.  On second and more readings, I see that Diamond really had nothing solid to go on.  She was lost in a sea of linguistic imprecision that her predecessors had also gotten stuck in.  There are no easy definitions of lesbian, gay and bisexual.  Trying to find one for each seems as easy a grabbing an eel in the ocean.

Even kleingridonline.com summarizes the test results using a percentage of gay and straight, which to me defeats the whole purpose of using words like bisexual.

Something seemed to be missing and I was having trouble putting my finger on it.  Perhaps I have been trying to put clarity on a situation that is far from clear.  I may have been looking for definitions that do not yet exist.  I have trying to force something essentially non-dual into the dualistic thinking and terms that we are all-too-used to.   In fact, I now think the twenty-somethings have it right when they avoiding calling themselves bisexual because the word brings no clarity especially in a world where most people want 0 or 1, yes or no.  I can understand how people would be confused.

Instead I’m going to use the word coined by our own creative director, Adrienne Williams, bisexualist.  To me bisexualists are people who while being ethical do their own thing emotionally and sexually.  Bisexualists are open to the all the possibilities for love and human intimacy.  Bisexualists stand for integration and inclusion in personal relationships.  Being a bisexualist is a state of mind.  It doesn’t matter to bisexualists either how many men or how many women they’ve gone out with.  That’s not the point.  It’s about how we engage with the world and how we embrace the world.

Being a bisexualist has nothing to do with the color of your skin, your gender, your income, your profession or even your taste in music.  Forget the definitions of who you’re supposed to love and how:  Think and feel for yourselves.  Explore responsibly wherever your heart is taking you. In the words of the Isley Brothers’ classic,

“It’s your thing, do what you wanna do, 
I can’t tell you 
Who to sock it to.”

Got Bisexual Bars?

bisexual barSo as I go out and look for ways to socialize, I realise that there is nothing made for me — yes, I can go to a straight bar and mingle, or head to my local gay bar, one  block from my house — but I find something missing, someone like me!

I’m not lesbian, I’m not gay – but there are no bisexual bars that we can feel at home. Gay men can go out and find someone like them, and feel some sense of calm. Lesbians can go to their local lipstick, sports bar or everything in between and get their groove on and find that special person.

Where can a bisexual go?

Rants of the Bisexualist Begins…

The Bisexualist movement has begun. Join Bi Social News (BSN) as we shed light on this deep dark secret, regarding how the LGBT communities want the “B” out of gay and lesbian lives.

My name is Adrienne Williams — I’m the owner of Bi Social News (BSN). I call myself a bisexualist, which means and advocate for bisexual causes, and I’m pissed off! “What about you ask?” We at BSN have started a movement. Our goals will be to pull out of the closet the biphobia that exist in the straight, gay and lesbian worlds. Wait a minute, I included gay and lesbian but didn’t add transgender. Well, I haven’t personally had issues with the transgender community — denying that I’m not real or confused; lying and need to be wiped off the face of the earth — that my friend, have come from the gay and lesbian community. And sorry to say, it’s been happening even more this year.

The very community, that wants legal marriage and as one op-ed piece in the Chicago Free Press by the name of Jennifer Vanasco screams in her column — “The truth is that gays and lesbians are Americans. And like the rest of America, we are hurting.” Fair to say this time, she was discussing the topic of President Obama, and the gay and lesbian vote that wants action in the years ahead. But notice what’s missing? Ah, yes, the ‘B’ and the ‘T’ in that statement. Well to be clear, many times in the gay and lesbian publications around the nation, they are erasing the ‘B’ out of their articles. For that matter their papers, newsletters, magazines, and media.

When was the last time you read a great coming out bisexual story? What about a love story on LOGO® regarding real bisexual men and women — confessing their love to the world and each other? Nada, zippo, niche.  Because the truth of the matter, not one gay and lesbian magazine, that I have read in my 15-years of being out and proud, has there been much about anything dealing with bisexual issues in clear definition.

Well, BSN, is here to change all that. We are starting a movement to call out, show up, educate and denounce anyone, and I mean anyone, that is trying to misrepresent the bisexual population.

Will BSN be confrontational?
When BSN needs to be – we are here to shed light on the elephant in the room.

Will BSN try to go for the truth?
Always, our goal is to bring all communities together, for the good of the whole community. We want all bisexual, lesbian, transgender, gay, pansexual, asexual and queer people, to feel they belong and are apart of the community. It won’t happen until we root out this infection that has been lying dormant, in the closet — as it is between our communities, at this very moment.

It ends now, the moment is now.

“We’ll be watching.”

Exploring the Bisexualist

bisexualistI was twittered, or was it tweeted by a great Blog called Queers United — As you know we like to support any effort of web content that supports the bisexual community and includes us in on the discussion. Seems like Queer United is onto a great start!

What I spotted on one article post called “Word of the Gay: Bisexualist.” From Queers United’s point-of-view the definition means — “someone who identifies and actively pursues their bisexual orientation.”

When I read that, I leaped for joy of this prospect. One of the goals of Bi Social News is to empower bisexual to be proud of who they are — no matter what group tells your you are not real or invalid. I feel the Bisexualist speaks volume to many men and women who want to shout it to the rooftops. There are many grays in the world! I’m bisexual and now, even better term – I’m a Bisexualist and proud of it!

It reminds me of the days — I was watching Queer as Folk, and my coin phase on the character of Ben Bruckner was “ZenBen,” played by the lovely Robert Gant.  Because I lived in Japan for two years at the time, everyone started using that term, and it even ended up on the show! Yeah, Robert Gant giving kudos to the phase he started to use himself!

So, let’s start using this term! Let it be a positive expression for bisexuals all around the world!  I’m a Bisexualist, that’s me! Fighting for all Bisexuals everywhere! Mmm, perhaps there will be a superhero in there somewhere! I say Angelina Jolie! A true Bisexualist!