Bisexuals Used as Scapegoat in Pro 8. California Case

bisexuals monogomousThe bisexual community can’t seem to catch a break in the year of  “blame bisexuals,” for all BLGT woes, as misleading testimony has been entered in trial of Perry v. Schwarzeneggeron Proposition 8—regarding bisexuals, possibility of being the cause for the threat to heterosexual marriage.

In court documents,“claimed that the evidence would show that Prop. 8 prevents a number of related harms because allowing same-sex couples to marry allegedly would: ….(4) “Increase the social acceptability of other alternative forms of intimate relationships, such as polyamory and polygamy”;

(5) Increase the likelihood that the recognition as marriages of other alternative forms of intimate relationships, such as polyamory and polygamy, will become a judicially enforceable legal entitlement…”

Facts: Are Bisexuals Polygamous in Nature?

No! In fact, having a polyamory lifestyle has nothing to do with being bisexual. Let’s find out what bisexual and polyamory really means!

Dictionary.com states that polyamory means, “participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships.” Which means, that heterosexual couples (married or not) could also be polyamorous. In fact, many straight couples are living the polygamous life style.

Now, dictionary.com also states the word ‘bisexual’ means, “sexually responsive to both sexes; ambisexual.” No were in this define group of words does it say, ‘group sex?’

In fact, It clearly states, [bisexuals] are attracted to both sexes—not together, not in a group or threesome—in clear terms, they like both sexes, period.

Why Do Straight and Gay Groups Alike, Confuse the Two Meanings?

To be clear, a lot of misinformation regarding bisexuals as a whole is out there, because straight, lesbians and gay groups do not understand how someone can be attracted to both sexes. It’s no difference than straights not understanding why gays and lesbians are attracted to same-sex parings. It’s called double standards or simple put, hypocritical at best.

Until both groups, heterosexual, and homosexuals come to the realization that everyone has a part to play in discrimination and acceptance of all groups. It’ll make your fight a little easier down the road, if the bisexual are accepted at face value, meaning we are real. If not, rights for all will be a long and painful process.

What is BSN’s Position on Pro 8?

Bi Social News (BSN) stands clear that we support rights to marry for all, but we also recognize that bisexuals everywhere have problems on both sides of the aisle. As a media outlet, will make no bones about exposing who they are—straight, gay or in between. If you want rights for yourself, figure out a way to be open to the rest of humanity and perhaps one day, the sea will part!

Celebrate Bisexuality Day

bidayGet into the minds of our columnist, Peter as he shares his thoughts regarding this national day.

Celebrate Bisexuality Day is upon us once more and I’m thinking about what it is we have to celebrate.  OK, that sounded like a heavy dose of bitter with a side order of grumpy, so let me explain.  We seem to have a lot of days, festivals, parades and everything else in our society meant to highlight a certain subgroup, but besides perhaps having a soirée-and I’m all for having a good time-what is the net result of having had the day?  Are we as bisexuals underlining how we’re different from the rest of the pack?  I for one don’t need a day to point that out; I know that 365 days a year.  A little less standing out would be nice, actually.

I also don’t what you to think that I don’t own being a bisexual man.  If that were the case, I would not be writing this column.  Heaven only knows that we need more bisexual voices-especially those of bi men-out there to be heard and understood.  But more to the point, I am neither proud nor ashamed to be bi; I simply am bisexual.

So what’s the point?  What do we need [to] Celebrate Bisexuality Day for?  How about this: a day to contemplate what bisexuals bring to the table and what we offer to the larger society.

First of all, I believe we should be the representatives of the Beatles classic, “All You Need Is Love.”   Whether we happen to be monogamous, polyamorous, alternating, or Kinsey 0-6, we bisexuals represent the capacity to love and engage fully with other human beings in the most intimate and varied ways.  That’s a level of openness you don’t necessarily find.  It is both precious and vulnerable.  It means living honestly, which entails more than a few painful moments.

How many of us have had our hearts broken whether from a mismatch with a potential partner or from the proverbial barking up the wrong tree?  What happens when we find that we have more in common emotionally than romantically with someone else?   On top of this, there are some extra challenges for the bisexual male.  If you’re one of the “regular guys,” folks may not want to believe that you are also attracted to other men.  If you’re a man who’s gender atypical, folks often have a hard time believing you like women.  I have [a] friend, also [named] Peter, whom I like to quote on this subject; “I’m here, I’m queer and I like women too.  Get used to it!”   I couldn’t have put it better myself.

This leads nicely to my second point.  Bisexuality is an invitation to complexity.  There is no coloring in between the lines with bisexuality because there are no lines to color in between.  The world is open to us.  What matters here then is defining an ethical code of our own.  In other words, an invitation to complexity is an imperative to critical thinking and making reasoned choices.  Who can we approach?  Will that person—those people also be interested in us?  Is our attraction physical, emotional and/or intellectual?  How do we eventually come out to this person/these people?

For me being bi means always having to come out in order to be clear and honest.  That’s my ethical choice, one that involves great risk that the other will reject me in terms of a romantic relationship. If the people in our lives don’t know, then we as bisexuals have to come out—because our bisexuality will eventually make manifest.  Bisexuality exists as both potential and realization always, especially if you are monogamous.  Your involvement with a man doesn’t negate your attraction to women and vice versa.  Talk about complexity!

For the record, let me state that I don’t find lesbians, gay men and straight women to be hardhearted dolts.  I am saying that being bisexual is emotionally intense and intellectually demanding, because it requires constant engagement and evaluation as part of the package.  When we bisexuals live up to the challenge, we show healthy models for human relations and that’s what we should be aiming for.

One, Some or None – Intimate Choices

couple kissIt’s another Monday and the deadline for this column is looming. I’m wondering what in the world I’m going to say this week, trying to keep up the clever machine and fearful that I’m going to draw a big, fat blank as if there’s just no grist for the mill. Here’s the writer’s dilemma: not having anything to say when you have to produce.

Now, as anyone who knows me is aware, I’m rarely at a loss for words. In fact, I’m quite sure that more than a few of my friends would like to me to learn the joys of silence. It’s just that this past week I’ve had something rolling around in my mind and I was wondering if this were the moment to bring it up or not, hoping that some other idea would miraculously spring to mind. Well that hasn’t happened, so I’m going to have to go with the thought that I have been nursing since last I wrote to you. Please bear with me because ‘we’re going to go there’ and you may want a return ticket!

When bisexuality is mentioned, there does tend to be someone who jumps on the notion that all bisexuals are sexually voracious predators who are dissatisfied with only one partner and only capable of jumping from person-to-person, making unending sport of lust and debauchery — as if bisexuals had more time than and didn’t have to earn a living like anybody else!

I believe — and this is nothing new, I’m sure — that such a view is based on both on collective fears and desires. The Puritanism that seems to be our national heritage in the United States wants to tamp down sexual desire of any kind, let alone admit that it exists at all. This same Puritanism attempts to keep everything under control by conceding to us one single partner to whom, once united, we invest uniquely and irrevocably in mind, body and spirit.

It is any wonder fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Or that some people are commitment phobic? Or that we try to knock ourselves out looking for that one someone special? Or that we beat ourselves up if we are unpartnered?

Ask anyone is in a relationship of any sort if their desires have suddenly disappeared? Talk to someone who has intentionally embraced celibacy to see if they have lost all attractions whatsoever. I think you will find that, quite realistically, the answer is no. It’s impossible. After all, we are living breathing creatures.  Besides, do we tend to show love to only one member of our family? Do we normally have only one friend?

As far as I am concerned, intensity and nature of relationships are just as fluid as sexuality itself. Once I accepted and embraced the non discrete nature of bisexuality, I had to accept that the notion that having a single partner can be rather contrived as well. Why put all my hopes and dreams in one person in terms of a committed relationship?That seems an awfully lot of undue pressure for another person.

OK, everybody take a deep breath. I’m not suggesting that everybody go out and get themselves a string of lovers. I’m merely asking that we consider where this notion of the ‘one and only’ comes from and that we deconstruct it in order to make more informed and authentic choices.

When I was younger, I was always fascinated by the Muslim convention that permitted a man — under certain conditions — to take four wives. It both chafed and enticed me. I realize now what chafed was both the sexism and heterosexism inherent in the practice, since only men can take multiple spouses and they have to be women. What enticed was the possibility of forming intimate attachments with more than one person.

Consider for example the Dr Phlox character from Star Trek: Enterprise — yes, it was inevitable that I would reference the Star Trek franchise at some point – who has three wives, each of whom in turn has two other husbands. It’s heteronormative, but you get my point. Someone associated with the show could at least imagine a fictional world where men and women could legitimately be multiply partnered.

Back here on the real earth, we have polyamory, which is the notion that a person can partner with more than one person at the same time. This may not be for everyone. However, just as I feel that whether one chooses to be monogamous or celibate is a choice, so do I believe that polyamory — with its inherent ethical code — is also a choice.

As a friend of mine has said, it’s not sexual — or emotional — freedom if we don’t get to choose. It’s also no kind of freedom if we are not honest about our choices and what impact they have on others.